Ever wondered where you’re going wrong in your dating life and relationships, need advice on what changes to make to ensure you don’t continue making the same mistakes?
Well matchmaker extraordinaire Jasmine Diaz is your new fairy godmother of dating.
As an expert on everything love related for over 15 years, this author and dating strategist has been the go-to person for many celebrities, athletes and business professionals who need a little guidance in the cupid department.
Here she talks with Bella about breaking the cycle of past relationships, advice on finally finding your soulmate, and how to move on from a relationship that’s just not good for you.
BLA: How can you stop repeating the same toxic behaviors in relationship e.g. falling for emotionally unavailable men.
JD: Many singles date by the definition of insanity. They date the same type, over and over again expecting a different result, and then become frustrated when the outcome is not what they want.
In order to stop repeating the same toxic behaviors, you must examine your ability to choose (meaning, you must ask yourself if you actually know how to pick a great partner), and make a conscious decision to date differently.
This means, stop going for the bad boys even though it’s your “type.” If your history with bad boys suggests that they don’t desire commitment and lack follow-through, that should tell you that dating yet another bad boy is going to be bad for you. Listen to your experience and learn from it.
Change is hard, but it’s often necessary to have the things we want in life. If marriage, family and commitment is your goal, then everything that a bad boy represents is in direct conflict.
BLA: What’s your best advice for finally finding your mate?
JD: Every relationship goes through a period where the love is flowing, the birds are chirping and there is not a care in a world. But in order to maintain that high beyond the honeymoon phase, you must lay down a strong foundation to weather potential storms.
That means forming healthy ways to manage conflict by communicating concerns head-on, creating regular opportunities to further explore intimacy and making a commitment to remain committed; to work through your problems rather than flee from them.
Most relationships fail due to lack of commitment, care, communication and intimacy, but if you take care of these areas of your relationship, you will be well on your way towards long-term happiness and success.
BLA: How can you move on when you realize a guy you’ve been dating is just not that into you?
JD: Deciding to move on from a relationship that isn’t right for you is a very difficult decision to make, but what’s most important to remember is that moving on from the wrong person frees you for the right one.
How to move on is a multi-step process. The first step is to admit that the relationship is over. There’s no sense in trying to move on when you’re in denial about your relationship status, so accepting the here and now is essential.
The second step would be to gather up support. You will need your friends and family for emotional support through the transition. That means using your friends to coordinate pick-up/drop-off of personal items and using their coach for your late-night junk-food breakup binge.
The third step is to completely disconnect. Unfollow your ex on social media, delete their telephone number from your contact list and forego all levels of communication. Moving on from a relationship means moving on not only physically, but mentally. So don’t Facebook stalk or like their posts. Move forward and don’t look back.
Lastly, when you feel ready, jump out there and start dating again! You’ll never find the right time or place to start over, so don’t let the issues of the past ruin a perfectly bright future. Your ex might not have understood or appreciated your value, but that doesn’t mean the next man won’t.